Essential protection for your home

I'm not talking latex folks, I'm talking Flood Insurance.

Don't we live in an age where marketing companies are supposed to know all the juicy details about me so that they can send me THE CORRECT JUNK MAIL!!!!!



Today I received an flyer informing of the benefits of flood insurance. Freakin' FLOOD INSURANCE. Excuse me Mr. Marketing Company, I just happen to live 108 feet above sea level.

Maybe Travelers Insurance knows something I don't. Maybe judgment day truly is coming within 30 days "because there is a 30-day waiting period prior to receiving coverage."

They have some very persuasive marketing, let's look at it point for point:

• FLYER: Approximately 25% of flood insurance claims come from low risk areas.
• ME: How many claims come from apartments an entire football field above sea level? Shouldn't somebody be building an arc somewhere?
• FLYER: Six out of 10 declared disaster involve flooding?
• ME: Hrmm, 6/10 = 3/5. I live in nyc, let me try to name 5 disasters and you tell me if one (or three) of them involved flooding.
• August 2002 Blackout
  
• 9/11
• 1993 World Trade Center terrorist attacks
• American Idol hosting auditions at the Jacob Javit's center
  
• General Slocum fire of 1891
• I don't see flooding in there for the past 200 years, do you?
• FLYER: Flooding occurs in every state and can occur at any time of the year?
• ME: Yes, you are right sir. I'm sure that with an area of 122,409 km² there is sure to be some flooding in this state.
  
• Hrmm, how much water would it require to flood the entire state of NY so that my feet got wet in my apartment? 122,409 km² * 33m = 4,039,497 cubic meters. That's roughly equal to 8.537 million pints of beer. I have an idea, maybe if we sing how many bottles of beer on the wall, when we get to 1 a flood will happen.
• Eight million five hundred thirtyseven thousand nine hundred and seventy seven bottles of beer on the wall. You knock one down, you pass it around Eight million five hundred thirtyseven thousand nine hundred and seventy six bottles of beer on the wall ......
• FLYER: 90% of all disasters in the United States are flood-related
• ME: I was about to say I've never been affected by a flood in my life. But at my parents house they had a flood (from the AC in the basement and it warped all my elementary and highschool pantings. But do they even cover floods from the central air AC unit in a basement?
  
• FLYER: You are four times more likely to experience a flood the a fire?
• ME: They obviously don't know me. I've been starting fires since I was 8. I never start floods (well, there was that one time when the toilet was clogged.) I'm sure I've must have come close to burning my house (or somebody else's) a million times. I was even suspended from high school for lighting a school desk on fire and having the building evacuated. No floods though!!!

So I say to Travelers Flood Insurance, go flood yourself!